I Never Know What To Write

Seriously, I don’t.

I’m the girl with so many great ideas, so much creativity, so many opinions on things that I get stuck. That statement is two parts procrastination, one part vulnerability, zero calorie, and 100% truth. I get caught up at times — blinded by my own ambitions. Sometimes I get so crippled by the grandness of potential that I never actualize it.

I realize many times throughout the day, nearly every day, that I need me. I need myself. It’s a really weird thing to say butI need to be myself for myself. I also feel like you all need me to be unfiltered so that you can do the same for yourselves. A bit lost? Allow me to explain.

It would be easy for me to post the best parts of my life — my precious nuclear family moments, my wins at work, my cool outfits. However, if I were to step outside of myself and be reading that kind of blog I wouldn’t find any inspiration in it. On the contrary, purported images of perfection make me view my life through that lens and only see what’s wrong. As I become more honest with myself I know that I’m not alone in my moments of self-doubt, insecurity, and plain confusion. I love to be right at ever juncture but that is simply not realistic.

Outside of my own goals and standards what inspires me most is hearing the stories behindsuccess. Recently I met Karen Civil, a woman of achievement, grace, and hustle. In our few moments of conversation she shared with me personal details of her life and her journey. The candid manner in which she spoke immediately rendered her a real person, someone I or any other woman could relate to. Being open, honest, and vulnerable are incredibly impressive qualities. The ability to say “I had to overcome xyz before I could move forward,” only fortifies the notion that no triumph comes without trials. Anecdotes about missteps here and there create context for attaining success. A legacy is that much richer if the bitter parts contrast the many sweet ones, no?

So, when I say ‘I need to be me for me’ I’m saying that I want to be more forthcoming with the realities of this journey that I’m on. I’ll share my uncertainties and imperfections with you because I know that you may be feeling the same way. There is no reason to hide — happiness is not a constant state of euphoria. I appreciate the mascara-ruining, never-going-back, ohmygosh-did-I-just-say-that?! moments that I’ve had, I hope you will too!

Ha. I guess I’ll just start writing whatever’s on my mind.


Miss Suber

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